Trust Radar – 5 Quick Signals
Ever been in this situation as an autistic person, when someone you thought was your friend, semi-ghosted you? Or they were publicly warm with you (at en event, or on your Facebook page) but did not reply when you invited them, or asked them for a helping hand, or shared something important with them? It can be disconcerting, especially when the relationship is floating and inconsistent, and the messages you receive are warm/cold.
We all know autistic people need clarity more than anything. We can be gullible, and overly faithful, maybe even a bit naive, and our bonds are often deep and solid. But that’s not the case for everyone. So I created a little test, or a check list for you, for when you’re in doubt, in limbo, or in any unpleasant relationship space.
When you interact with someone, notice if most answers are “yes.” The more yeses, the more you can safely invest.
1. Consistency:
Do they behave toward you in the same way over time, both in public and private?
- ✅ Yes → Safe
- ❌ No → Keep them at arm’s length
2. Reciprocity:
When you share, help, or invite, do they sometimes give back — not in the same way, but in some way?
- ✅ Yes → They value the exchange
- ❌ No → You’re more a convenience than a connection
3. Respect for Boundaries:
Do they honor your limits without making you feel guilty or wrong?
- ✅ Yes → Trustworthy
- ❌ No → Potential manipulator
4. Emotional Safety:
Do you feel calm and yourself around them, without needing to mask or overthink?
- ✅ Yes → Good fit
- ❌ No → Draining or unsafe
5. Follow-Through:
When they say they’ll do something, do they usually do it — or tell you if plans change?
- ✅ Yes → Reliable
- ❌ No → Ghosting risk
Now you don’t need all five to keep someone in your life, but if they fail on 3 or more, they’re best kept in the “friendly acquaintance” zone, not the “trusted inner circle ». Let me know how you deal with a relationship (friends, family, partner…) when the messages you receive appear to be inconsistent.
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